There’s one question I fear more than any other.
“What have you been up to?”
The easy answer is usually whatever I’ve been doing for Roadmap. And there’s nothing I enjoy talking about more. But I also get embarrassed to talk about my ideas -- especially if they haven’t panned out.
So I just run for cover and talk about work.
Which brings me to Saturday morning. I’m supposed to meet my friend James for lunch. I enjoy hanging out with one person because you get to actually talk about what’s going on in their life. It was supposed to be a good day.
Do They Think My Idea Is Stupid?
I sat up in bed as sunlight hit my navy blue sheets. And I immediately started thinking about what James and I would talk about.
I started to think about the question I fear most.
Crap. What if I can’t articulate what I’m doing well? I’ve been working on Roadmap for so long. Maybe he won’t get what I’m doing. What if he thinks my idea is stupid? What if he thinks I’m dumb for pursuing it for so long ?
I sunk down in the sheets. The thought of avoiding talking about Roadmap gave me instant comfort. But it was quickly driven out by memories of what it feels like after I cut parts of myself away.
Overcoming "Do They Think My Idea Is Stupid?"
Step 1: Recognize the Lie About Your Idea
If we want to overcome social anxiety, we have to win the battle in our minds. So when you feel anxious, write down your thoughts and ask “What do I want?”
Answer: I want James to approve of Roadmap (aka not think it’s stupid!). And it’s good to want people to like ideas. But when we chase that validation, we believe a dangerous lie.
It's not long before our ideas die and we start to lose ourselves too.
Step 2: Appreciate Your Idea
If chasing approval for our ideas drives anxiety, appreciating our ideas can help fight it. We need to focus on why we think our idea is good.
Answer: I've struggled a lot with negative emotions. But I'm grateful to God to have learned that specific gratitude can help me overcome my worst emotions. I work on Roadmap to help others do the same.
When you get anxious about what people think about our ideas, focus on your answer. It takes practice, but as we appreciate our ideas, we’ll be able to let go of what other people think and drive social anxiety out.
Step 3: Let Your Ideas Live
Social Anxiety urges us to hide our ideas. To live fulfilled, we need to take steps to share our ideas. So ask yourself, “How can I take a step to share my ideas?”
Answer: I can tell James how I'm writing Social Anxiety stories this year
Letting My Ideas Live
James and I talked about work. We talked about our relationships with God. We talked about his wife, my girlfriend, and the holidays. We talked about everything except Roadmap.
I was waiting for the right time to bring it up and procrastinating when I got one.
But with a deep breath and moments to spare in our lunch, I finally told him what I’m doing for Roadmap this year. We talked about how scary it would be to share my real life online. And as I sat there eating remnants of my Pad Thai, I felt one thing: pure joy.
For that lunch, I was nobody else but myself.
When Ideas Live, Authenticity Lives
I won’t lie, I still regularly hide my ideas from people.
I often have to push myself to share. But when I do it -- even if it doesn’t go as planned -- I feel like I’ve grown. I’m actually being myself.
Authenticity is a muscle. The more consistently I do it, the easier it gets. But I know it’s hard.
The truth is, if you have one reason why you like your idea, it can’t be dumb. Only unoriginal ideas are universally accepted.
So when you believe that people think your idea is stupid, fill out the road sign above. Appreciate your ideas. Let them live. When we let our ideas live, our authenticity will too.
Love,
-T.O.
