30 under 30: Social Anxiety Lessons I Learned Before My 30th

Dear friend,

Yesterday was actually a special day for me.

I turned 30.

So in honor of that, here are 30 lessons I’ve learned about Social Anxiety. I call it, “30 under 30”.

1. Specific Gratitude kills anxiety

Chasing approval fuels Social Anxiety, but courage comes from appreciating past success.

2. It’s a Mind Game

The battle of Social Anxiety starts in your mind. Be ready.

3 Games You Must Win to Overcome Social Anxiety (And How to Win)
To overcome social anxiety, we’ll need to win the mind game, the action game, and the growth game

3. Replace your thoughts

You can’t just “stop thinking about it”. Specific gratitude is the best replacement I've found.

4. Eat right

Food gives energy to exercise, gratitude gives energy to crush anxiety.

5. Chew your food

Slowly read over your gratitude list in the morning. Focus on the WHY.

6. True gratitude can take work

Sometimes you have to force feed. But it pays dividends.

7. Vague gratitude is empty calories

Let your gratitude be as specific as your anxiety.

8. Drink Responsibly.

Seeking approval is fine in moderation. Excess kills.

9. Know Your TV Reruns

When you’re anxious, write down your location, time of day, and your thoughts. You’ll start seeing the future.

10. The Approval Paradox

If I chase your approval, you’ll never approve of the real me.

Thought Trap #1: Worrying About Sharing Your Ideas
If we appreciate our good ideas, we’ll be encouraged to share more.

11. Courage builds like a muscle

The more you use it, the easier it gets.

12. Take small steps

Small wins → Confidence → Bigger Win. It’s a success spiral.

13. All steps warrant celebration

Write down your wins and celebrate them each morning.

14. There’s no right time

If you wait for the right time to share in a conversation, you won’t.

15. Just show up

It’s over half the battle. And it usually leads to another step.

16. Good news, bad news

Sharing is tougher for you. But when you share, it’ll mean more to you than someone who doesn’t struggle.

17. It’s not about you

Making great conversation is about making people feel heard. You might not have to do as much as you thought.

3 Questions to Help You Make Great Conversation
Making conversation can seem stressful until we realize something. It’s not about us.

18. The Cheat Code

If you struggle to talk about your life, asking questions gives you a built-in chance. People often redirect your question.

19. Break the Ice

When meeting people for the first time, ask them why they chose their career and try to guess it. Trust me.

20. Write, then talk

It can make you more articulate. But don’t over rehearse. Stay human.

21. Track your growth

Overcoming anxiety is a long slog. Growth motivates.

22. Throw a party.

Plan a personal celebration when you hit a milestone.

23. Beat Yourself.

You’re only in a race against one person. Other people might not struggle with Social Anxiety, but everyone has one.

24. Bae Boost

Being in a relationship forces your courage to grow faster. Thanks babe.

25. Don’t Run

The regret can feel worse than going. When we avoid, we feel a void.

26. Give Yourself Grace

Not every day can be a home run.

27. Perfect Your Form

Take steps consistently before upping your weight. Overcoming Social Anxiety is a marathon, not a sprint

28. Authenticity Attracts

People who are unapologetically themselves are magnets.

29. Vulnerability Exchanges

It’s easier to share around vulnerable people. Value them.

30. You can change

The same guy who hid in the bathroom in high school can be the guy who writes to help people with Social Anxiety.

Why I’m Writing About Social Anxiety
Social Anxiety kills our influence, steals opportunities, and ruins chances at deep relationships. But I’m done hiding in the bathroom.

That’s all folks. I hope this helped you.



P.S: Which lesson did you resonate with most? What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned? Drop me a line in the comments.

TiOluwa Olarewaju

TiOluwa Olarewaju

I write about emotions and build tech products to help people live fulfilled. Some people call me sassy, but my friends call me T.O.
Austin, TX