Sometimes I feel like two different people.
And while I’m grateful to have friends from different phases of life, one thing freaks me out: the groups converging.
So I wasn’t excited when my college friend Ryan said he wanted to visit.
But sometimes I worry so much about what people think of my friends that I forget to value them myself.
How to Overcome Anxiety of Mixing Friend Groups
Step 1: Stop Undervaluing Your Friends
I couldn’t find a great excuse for Ryan not to come. And I did want to see him. I just couldn’t shake certain crippling thoughts. So when you’re feeling anxious, write down your thoughts.
Me: What if Ryan and my friends clash? What if Ryan doesn’t like my friends?
Our thoughts often lie about the importance of people’s opinions. To find the lie, ask yourself two questions.
1: What am I chasing approval of?
- My friends. I want Ryan to approve of my friends
2: Why am I SO anxious about losing that?
- I believed the lie that Ryan’s approval of my friends is the most important thing. So losing that seems like a nightmare.
The worst part is, when I obsess over what people think of my friends, I forget to do the most important thing.
Step 2: Appreciate Your Tribe(s)
Instead of relying on what people might think of our friends, we need to appreciate them ourselves. The truth is, not everyone will like each other. But there’s a reason why we’re friends with our friends. We need to remember that.
Step 3: Bring People Together
It’s kind of ironic. I actually met most of my friends through people. So when I hide my friends from each other, I might actually rob them of relationships too. Here are a few tips for merging different friends.
I’m still not great at this. I routinely opt to hang out with people one on one out of fear. So be sure to give yourself some grace too.
Your Friends Have You In Common
Ryan came to town and we went ax throwing with my friends. It was actually a lot of fun -- although I’m still baffled that it’s BYOB.
I won’t lie. I felt my stomach tense up when I watched my friends interact. It was uncomfortable. But as I listened to them talk, I realized that they have one thing in common: me.
Each friend may have seen a different part of me. But when we were all in the same room, it was like I was whole too.
So, don’t undervalue your friends based on what people might think. Appreciate your tribe. Bring people together. I’ll try to do the same.
Love,
-T.O
