I’m not stupid.
But since I started a new role last year, I’ve had numerous chances to fear that people think so. Not only am I the new guy, I’m also the youngest by a lot.
One day, my coworker Jeremiah asked me to get on a call with our customer. I’m usually fine if I prepare, but the customer wanted to talk in an hour.
So I panicked.
But when we obsess over if people think we’re stupid, we believe a lie that’s actually foolish.
How to Overcome Fear that People Think You’re Stupid
Step 1: Don’t Believe The Lie About Your Intelligence
The battle of social anxiety is in our mind. When you’re feeling anxious, write down your thoughts. Here are mine.
What if I can’t answer the questions they ask me? What if I look stupid in front of Jeremiah?
Our extreme desire for approval drives social anxiety. But when we chase approval, we start to believe a dangerous lie. To find it, ask yourself two questions:
1: “What am I chasing approval of?”
- I want Jeremiah to think I’m smart. I’m chasing approval of my intelligence
2: “Why am I SO anxious about losing that?”
- I think my self-worth is based on if people think I'm smart. But that’s a lie.
And when I believe that lie, it drives my fear and prevents me from sharing what I do know. I might even miss opportunities to learn something new.
Step 2: Appreciate What You Know
We focus so much on if people think we’re smart that we don’t appreciate the knowledge we have. The truth is, we can’t know it all. But we do know something and we need to remember that.
Whenever you feel stressed about not knowing something, rehearse your answer to yourself. It takes mental practice to focus on this. But as you appreciate what you know, you can let go of what people think.
Step 3: Take a Step to Share Your Knowledge
When I fear that people think I’m stupid, I run from the situation entirely. Sometimes I even hide what I do know. If we want to live fulfilled, we must take a step towards sharing our knowledge.
So ask yourself, “What’s a small step I can take towards sharing my knowledge?”
For me, I started with just showing up.
We’re All Works in Progress
I’d love to say I got on the call and was a hero.
The truth is, I couldn’t answer most of his questions and I had to take down a bunch of things to research. Real life doesn’t always have a cute ending.
But it felt good that I didn’t run. And he was gracious for helping him on such short notice.
No matter how much we learn, we’re all works in progress.
So when you feel like people think you’re stupid, appreciate what you do know. Try to show up. I’ll do the same.
Love,
-T.O.
