The Confidence Loop: How to Actually Build Confidence
It was one of the most stressful days of my life.
I tried running from my fear. I tried distracting myself. I even tried to fake it till I made it. Then I stumbled across a list.
I had started writing down every win from my life. And as I read, the voice of fear was replaced by a new one: confidence.
That’s when I learned that confidence isn’t built by doing more. Or pushing harder. Confidence is believing you can do it. And that belief comes from remembering what you’ve done.
Confidence isn’t a game of force. It’s a memory game.
Take a Brave Step
If you want proof that you can do it, you’ll need to take a step.
But you don’t have to go from zero to confident. Start small.
Every time you feel anxious, you have a chance to find a brave step. Anxious moments are:
- Real, so taking a step actually matters for your life
- Recurring, so you usually get another try.
So when you feel anxious, ask yourself:
“What’s the smallest brave step I can take right now?”
Here’s my list of steps for common fears. Pick one that feels doable.
Capture Your Win
You face two battles when building confidence.
First, you feel anxious before the step. And afterwards, you battle the urge to downplay what you just did and move on.
Most of us lose the second. Unfortunately, the evidence that we can crush fear goes along with it.
Capturing your win turns your step into proof that you can do it. So every time you take a brave step, write down:
- What you did
- Why it mattered
Do this enough, and you’ll build a highlight reel of wins. That’s the evidence that you can be confident. Because you already have been.
Pro Tip: Pictures and videos of your win are worth 1,000 words
Replay Your Wins
Confidence fades when we forget what we’ve already done.
Confidence isn’t about what you do. It’s about what you remember you did. What you’ve already overcome is usually greater than what’s ahead.
Replaying your wins is how you remember that.
So every morning, read your list of wins. Read them when you’re anxious. Read them before you go to bed.
Over time, your brain will internalize one important message.
“I can do this”
Present confidence is built by replaying past wins.
Your Turn
Confidence doesn’t come from doing more. It comes from remembering what you’ve done. Take a brave step. Capture your win. Replay it and watch your confidence grow.
Love,
T.O
P.S. I’m building a confidence game called Roadmap to help make this fun. If you’re curious, you can check it out here!
