3 Games You Must Win to Overcome Social Anxiety (And How to Win)
I hate losing.
And when I went to meet my girlfriend's family, her younger sister destroyed me in a card game called speed. But it wasn’t entirely my fault.
They’ve played speed since they were kids. I learned it ten minutes prior and didn’t really understand how to play.
Social Anxiety is like this. It’s real life, but there are three games we must win to overcome it. If you don’t know what game you’re in or how to play, you’ll get spanked just like me.
Win The Mind Game: Change Your Negative Thoughts
Negative thoughts hand out Ls. But our thoughts often lie and exaggerate about the importance of what people think. To win the mind game, we must fire back with some truth.
Capture Your Thoughts
First, we need to get clear on our enemy. When you feel anxious, write down all of your thoughts.
- Ex. “What if they think my idea is stupid?”
Recognize the Lie
Social Anxiety is driven by an extreme desire for approval (of our ideas, appearance etc). But when we want approval so badly, we believe the lie that losing it will ruin us. Look at your thoughts and ask two questions.
#1: Desire - Ask, “What am I chasing approval of?”
- Ex. My idea
#2: The Lie - Ask, “Why am I so afraid of losing that?”
- Ex. If someone doesn’t like my idea, then it’s worthless
Change Your Thoughts
If negative thoughts chase other people's approval, we can fight them by appreciating what we have. Write down your answer to this question:
- “What's one thing I like about this? Why?”
It takes mental strength to focus on this while being bombarded by negative thoughts. Like any game, “practice makes better”.
Win The Action Game: Take Steps to Be Authentic
Social Anxiety ends in missed opportunities and regret. To win the action game, we must take steps to be authentic and live fulfilled.
Pick a step
We don’t have to go from zero to social butterfly all at once. But we do need to take small steps. So for your situation, ask yourself, “What’s a step I can take to be authentic?”.
Usually, there are three main steps that can help us do this:
- Show up to social events
- Engage with people
- Share parts of yourself
Assign a Difficulty
Not all steps are created equal. To stay encouraged, assign each step a point value based on how hard it is for you.
- Easy (10 pts), Medium (25 pts), Hard (100 pts)
Take Steps to Be Authentic
When you’re in that situation, take the step and keep track of your points. This can often feel like a workout. Because it is.
Win the Growth Game: Celebrate Your Milestones
Overcoming Social Anxiety is a long slog and discouragement is the enemy. We might be tempted to say “How do I still struggle with this?”. To win the growth game, we must celebrate our wins, no matter how small, and continue to push ourselves.
Win these Games, Overcome Social Anxiety
By the third game of speed, I was actually competing with my girlfriend’s sister.
All games take practice. And each of the three above are crucial to overcoming social anxiety.
If we lose the mind game, we’ll become what we think in the long term. If we lose the action game, we won't be authentic. And if we lose the growth game, we’ll give up over time.
But if we win all three, we’ll be on a path to overcome social anxiety.
It can seem like a lot to do. That’s why we’re creating Roadmap -- a personal growth game that helps you win all three games. If you want to join, sign up below!
Love,
-T.O.
P.S: Which one of these games do you feel like you lose most often?